First post of 2023

 I completely forgot about my whole blog going on over here, i promise i won't neglect it again!

So far..

I'm still at my seasonal job

I believe i can get my diploma in a few months

and then i'm on my way to getting my license.

I have a whole plan yet it still feels like i'm behind, i mean my own mother compared me to my friend for no reason, as if i haven't gotten this far all on my own.

 I haven't been doing great mentally either, * Mild vent warning 

 I just feel very, unwanted? I know my communication issues are part of it so i don't take it personally when people find me boring and don't want to spend time with me, but i just wish i could be like other people, and be appreciated. I think i'll get by though. Thank you for reading.

Reviving that childish love of art!

 

I remember being younger, drawing my sona everyday, and just being so happy to..create something! over time, the goal being popularity and money took over that love of artwork i had, it really felt like i no longer had a style of my own, and only created art for other people.

Recently i made something just for me, and i love it.

 Something unlike some of my other art, i worked hard and made something entirely brand new, just for me!! I think this has changed how i view my artwork, i've never felt so much joy drawing in a long time.

 

 

 

12:00 AM
Listening to grief ii (demo) by BulldogEyes

 

I'm home and i don't know what to do

 So, i've been home for a while, i meant to update my blog but forgot!

I really haven't drawn, i've been playing the sims and job hunting. Right now i feel so alone, i wanna go out and hang with friends, but i often feel like they aren't really my friends. I feel like i'm the kind of person their parents ask them to hang with because i'm so socially awkward. I just want someone to go to the park with, or the movies, or to their house to sit around. 

Anyways my sad rant is over, I want to grow up, quit acting like a kid. So, i'm closing commissions tonight, gonna work on my personal work right! I don't think i'm gonna get anywhere though. My life feels so troublesome at times.

 

 

11:16 PM
Listening to Bullet with Butterfly Wings by The Smashing Pumpkins

In Dreams

 Gosh last night i had the craziest experience. I laid down to take a nap at like 1 PM and woke up again at about 3 PM, i went shopping, had a whole..realistic day. In fact i went to bed and ended up going to lunch the next day.

I was experiencing a dream so realistic it felt like my own reality! I woke up at 10 PM and got yelled at by my mother for forgetting to walk my dog, but i can't help that i can't sleep properly. 

I mention this because of how uncomfortable it was, when i woke up it felt like i went blind because my room was totallyy black, and i left my tv off, but i also felt so panicked like i was ripped out of the real world and put somewhere else. 

It's always been like this though, in my head i have what i call my 'dreamscape', it's like a whole different world in my dreams, a place i can remember absolutely everytime i fall asleep. Specifically i always end up in this place called 'Dog-town' which i guess is how i think of the city i live in now? i remember dreaming i moved there from my hometown, like i did irl. Everything is so exaggerated, the city areas are bright and busy, yet the country is covered in trees and earth,fences and long long houses, bright green grass and grey sky. Everything feels so different yet so real? Like.. i don't dream of flying or being a rich person, i dream of what i do normally. Does this make me boring?

Commissions suck

 I know i end commissions in January, but i'm already so tired!

It's hard when you know most people just buy your commissions because they're so cheap. I often feel like i'm not getting any progress just doing them all the time, hence why i'm completely stopping them, i'm gonna miss my loyal buyers who always supported me, if you're reading this you know who you are lol. I'm so thankful regardless.

Anyway, today i was completely finishing up commission work and nearly took on some more because i needed ingredients for a meal, why must i push myself so far! It's fine though, i think i wanna make Spam Musubi?

Let me know what you think! or don't, that's like, totally awesome too!

1st Post

 I've always wanted a blog, and i feel like it'd be beneficial to create one of my own if i'd like to grow as an artist and creator.

So here's my first post with some of my goals

1. I'd like to begin independent artwork and stop focusing on commissions
2. I want to further grow my audience and gain my own community
3. I want to produce my first webcomics, one-shots as well as full length multi-chapter artwork.
4. I want to make my original artwork unique, further developing an individual style
5. I want to interact with the art community more.